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Could someone out there please give me some helpful insight.� I just can't seem to get any better.� Depression just seems to get worse.� The night before I go to bed, I tell myself: I will get up early, eat right, do the things on my "to do list" but then I wake up, lay in bed and the day begins like the day before.� I don't have any "get up and go".� That doomed feeling takes over.� Then the night is here again.� I ponder about what the day brought.� Nothing as usual.� I get depressed and the whole cycle returns.� It is so lonely and frustrating.� I am living in my "own world"� and there seems to be no escape. Can I ever see or have a "real" life.� Or is this the best that there will ever be.� Could someone out there offer some words of encouragement or helpful criticism. Anything would be welcomed. uptowngirl.

Every night I set a goal for the next day.� It is always the same. Get up at a decent time. Try and accomplish something even if it's small. However, my depression get's the best of me, and the day ends the same.� That is nothing get's accomplished. I get out of bed around noon, feel more depressed because I screwed up again and the day starts and ends like the one before.� My bed is my only safe place. But it is my worst enemy at the same time. Any help....please.� Uptowngirl.

Why is the bond between sister's so strong?

��� It's so crazy how life brings you around people you didn't know and makes them a big part of you. That person tests you� mentally and emotionally. Makes you work harder as a person to show them that anything is possible. Shows you that whether you know it or not someone is counting on you to make a good example. It makes you feel good to know that they kind of respect you and look up to you. I get that with my sister, Kiana May Williams Almarie, CharryNana.

��� I love her and sometimes I wish I would have set a better example for her as her older sister. I feel like what I have�done wrong in my life she sees it and doesn't respect me for it. I have made plenty of mistakes that I wish never happened but then I think about it and realize that whether she knows it or not I am a good role model for her. I showed her that just because we makes mistakes you can still do good. That it is okay to not be perfect. Perfect is something people could never be.

��� I would hope�that she�understand that I wish I could have been there for her all her life, but life has it's way of doing things. I hope she realizes that maybe it was a good thing we met when she was older because now I can talk to her and we can have some kind of understanding.

��� I thank GOD [Allah] that he brought me and her together because then I can tell her some of the mistakes I made and hope she doesn't do what I did. We can learn from eachother and grow from eachother especailly now that we ar emaking life changing decisions. She has been more than just a sister to me but also one of my best friends and I never ever will forget her.

��� Sometimes we fight and get mad at eachother and act like we hate eachother but I feel thats what sisters are there for. For them to get on eachother nerves and to not agree all the time. No matter what at the end things will always be good because thats how strong a bond is when it comes to blood.

��� I am however sad that I am leaving her soon. I mean we have had some really good times and some really bad times but if it wasnt for that me and her wouldnt be as close as we are now. So what makes a sister's bond so strong is the love that they have in thier hearts for eachother.

Well, me and my older sister found out that she is leaving to go back to Cali. probably by the beginning or the end of next month.� Yea it's gonna suck cos she only been out here in Jacksonville,Fl for like. Prolly 8-9 months. She may b annoying and stuff. But at the same time, She's my sister. Nd its been 20 years since i seen her. & it kinda hurts to see her leave again!! I may never know when's the next time i am gonna see her. I kinda wish she would stay, but at the same time. I understand why she is leaving. My mom bought her a ticket to come down here, but she never showed my sister or me any love. I wish i could leave too! lol. but shitt. Life is Life. She may wanna go back home because she misses her dad. But she's my sister, nd i'm gonna miss her too. I'm scared because i have a feeling that it might be a while before i see her again. Nd i still haven't seen my two brothers. Nd it's been 24 years since i haven't seen them..

well, shitt. Life may suck, only because you make it.

Heya.

Okay. SO i lost my magic touch in journaling. kinda.

I don't even feel like journaling that much anymore ... BUT... i need a place to express myself so i don't freak the hell out because i'm not exactly the talking type. at least not anymore. bleh.

HA.

Nope. I'm no the talking type but when somebody gives me a pencil and a piece of paper. I fly. Literally. Angels sing in the backround and words from my heart is being written down. - heh. or typed down actually cuz i stopped diary-ing on paper a while ago-

OH GOD. You know what? I hate it when something you forgot to do suddenly hits you in the back of the head.

Anyways

continued...

I dunno, i hate talking on the phone. It always ends up in awkward silence. There's one exception but you don't need to know about that =P

"OKAY. so like what are you doing this like... weekend like .. yea?"

"I dunno... um.. you?"

"Oh i'm like.. TOTALLY going to the mall this weekend. OMG (literally OH EMM GEE- GOD don't you hate it when people do that?) I TOTALLY have to get like... NEW jeans!"

"Oh. Cool. "

-AWKWARD? yea. definately.

blahbee

I had a really awesome day! I felt great all day, even though my leg was hurting. I went to the mall with my friend's Caitie and Maricia. I had a gift certificate for $50 and it was awesome. I bought some stuff for Caitie and Maricia and it made me feel really good. I really enjoyed buying stuff for my friends. I don't get to do that often and it was awesome! I couldn't really find anything I liked anyway. We went a few different places in the mall and then we went to Carl's Jr and hung out. I got a sandwich and split it with my friend and we shared the fries among the 3 of us. Caitie got a shake and Maricia and I got soda.
�

I just dont understand I went to church last night, the prophet was there and he told me somethings I could concur with. However some things he spoke left me mystifed, like the fact that he stated my husband is tall and muscular. He stated I met him b4. Im not seriously dating anyone presently. Just trying take care of self, relationship are alot of work! Met someone Wednesday, he seems ok. Hi name is J. I can tell he has been hurt/used in the past. J is very guarded as well as I, the difference is he believes every woman will hurt him specifically me. I only reciprocate how I'd like to be treated; with kindness as well as respect. He tells me many things like a woman he dealt with in the past approached him. I dont mind really, because we arent committed to one another. Secondly if he is feeling me like he states then why� would he venture into�perilous territories. J is so fragmented, cautious, in addition to being cute. He is easily upset, not prepared to fall in love with anyone right now. It takes time to get to know someone, not sure if I want to get aquainted with anyone presently.

Eliis called me spoke to him briefly, trying to weazel himself back into my good graces. Not going down,� recovering from his bullshit nicely I must say! He isnt serious about me. Not a problem!� keep it moving is what I intend on doing. Not gonna settle for less than what I deserve. No clue as to what he's been doing, dont really care to be honest. He would prefer I stayed home, learning the techniques of crocheting, needle point or some other dull hobby!� He wants me all to himself, yet does not have a clue as to hold my attention.

Kind of enjoying my singleness, J's motives are clear he wants me! I put it out there for him to� mull over. (The no compromising clause I have for my admirers. ) Told him its ok if he� has sex with someone else. After all how would I know, secondly Iam not his woman! Since� Wednesday he has called me, stopped by made me laugh hugged me. Having a great time, so far......